


On Existence,

by treecovery



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detroit: Become Human Fusion, Dan the Android from CyberLife, Deviancy (Detroit: Become Human), M/M, Phil the shopkeeper, a lot of thinking noises from Dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21918964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/treecovery/pseuds/treecovery
Summary: Dan is an android that's living his best life by posing as a human in public, and Phil is a shop assistant. This is about their talks on what it means to be human aka Detroit: Become Human AU
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 24
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	On Existence,

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Victor Frankl once said, “A human being is a deciding being.”

But that doesn’t make a lot of sense to Dan. He was programmed to make the most efficient and appropriate decisions to get the job done, still, they were decisions nonetheless. Dan is decidedly not a human. The facts are that Dan is an android, from CyberLife, and every day he is required to make decisions by design.

He has been assigned as a caretaker for Luna. It is understood that androids overwhelmed by irrational instructions could go deviant and experience a simulation of human emotions, but Dan doesn’t really understand that theory. He has always felt things, from the moment his assembled body was connected to his circuitry. Presumably, humans feel things a bit differently, but it isn’t like they understand their emotions either, yet they are driven by them. That’s something Dan can relate to.

There was never one singular moment where he pushed a glass barrier to go “deviant” and suddenly started to feel things, which is what he has heard it was like for others, over the whispernet shared by the androids. What he does notice is the cold surface of the glass barrier placed by the humans around him, that don’t want to treat him with respect or love. He knows what it is like to be confined in them, seen as nothing but a machine, functioning purely for others. Humans can go to unacceptable heights when there’s no known consequences, but from the history of humanity, it’s clear that humans act immorally even when there are consequences.

Even as a “deciding being”, Dan is happy that he isn’t a human. However, being among them meant having to deal with their unpredictability, and that really, it takes one to know one. According to Dan, all androids must be equipped with some understanding of what they called deviant instincts. After all, decision making is imperative to the goal, but it needs to be accommodating of the incalculable whims of the humans that set the goal in the first place.

Dan often wasted his battery power, processing meaningless philosophies such as this, that he could never share with anyone. He could easily be decommissioned for software instability before he’d finish saying the word philosophy.

Luna would probably be fine with the existential dread and chatter from her caretaker bot, since she treated Dan as a human and recognised how his identity could be perceived as a threat in public. This was why she encouraged him to disguise himself as a human when running errands for her. After the first time he came home, attacked by humans on the street that blamed him for taking away their jobs (for fuck’s sake, they were out of toilet roll), Luna decided this would be the right thing to do. Dan recognised that this was just putting him in trouble and enabling her agoraphobia, but the allure of the outside world hadn’t alluded him yet. He wanted to explore, and take it all in, even if he had to pretend to not be himself for it.

His grocery shopping in the town over takes as long as his battery power grants him. Luna lets him indulge in the outdoors and doesn’t bat an eyelid when he takes 4 hours to do a task that should take less than half an hour. She isn’t stupid, and Dan is transparent. He has shared his emotional musings with her a number of times and she is yet to threaten to decommission him. This initially came as a surprise to him. It had taken a while for them to trust each other. He was fully funded and provided by insurance to help Luna. He was basically a “glorified service dog” according to her, and he agreed. They often joked that his employment was entirely owed to her being allergic to dogs, much to Dan’s disappointment. To him, the definition of being human would be to care for something independently. It was all very ironic, with him being a caretaker android but not having the agency to own a pet.

Luna had tried to let him own a hamster, but that ended terribly (Dan used up all his allowance on an extravagant cage for Suki, the hamster, and she managed to escape the contraption. That was one determined hamster and he couldn’t really resent her for wanting to be free). Luna could never tell if her android was being annoying on purpose or if he was genuinely malfunctioning and got attached to anything that moved. For instance, this was a common occurrence in their household:

“Beep beep boop.”

“Beep bip-bop.”

“Beep? Beep beep boop.”

“Oh my god, Dan stop chatting with the roomba!”

But this was just one of the subtler things that made Dan feel at home with his identity, and accept himself as an android. In reality, the conflict of being programmed to be something, while feeling and acting like something else is always on his mind. Though he understands the reason it’s important for him to disguise himself for his own safety, there are many things that make him fit right in with the humans, that also align with what he wants.

List of things that make Dan appear to be human:

  1. Every week, Luna and Dan painted each other’s nails, Dan’s nails looking less than accurate as a result of human application. Other androids did not come with such modifications, barring the ones that took care of children.
  2. Dan hadn’t worn his uniform in years. It was probably in some corner of the house, gathering dust. He never did like the dull blue colour. And being Luna’s personal life sized barbie doll wasn’t all that bad, there’s only so much choice she could impose among all the monochrome clothing. 
  3. He loves animals. Like, Snow White level of adoration. He cannot own a pet, but he managed to make friends with an alley cat that he came across behind the shop.



The problem began one winter evening. He entered the shop, did the weekly shopping, bought a tin of tuna, the usual. The shop was fully automated, he took a deep breath and walked up to the self-service checkout station.

Dan had gone to war with the machine many times before and emerged victorious, but this was something that evoked pure anger within him. It was almost glorious, secretly, he even anticipated the weekly encounter with his arch-nemesis.

This was one of the few moments he got to experience and express ire openly. Though, it did get annoying when it started to get dark outside while he engaged in battle.

“IT’S IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BAGGING AREA”

“Uh… can I help you with that?”

Said a voice behind him, and Dan didn’t anatomically have a heart, but if he did, it would’ve been in his throat. He turned around and saw a man wearing a shirt with the logo of the store. His badge read “Phil”.

“I think it might be faulty, the sensors don’t seem to be working. Other electronics seem to mess with it too," the man rambled as he stepped up to the manual till,waiting for Dan to bring the shopping cart over. Dan was…scared. He thought he had been caught out. He didn’t answer, just wordlessly followed the man, wide eyed. Getting no response made the man ramble on, as he scanned the items.

“Then again, [beep], this is ancient technology [beep] and since all other electronics tend [beep] to interfere with it, I’ve been hired! [beep] Cheap labour is more readily [beep] available than finding long term [beep] solutions I guess.”

Dan felt like a fraud, his thoughts raced, he never felt guilty for presenting as a human before. In fact, he had never felt ‘guilt’ at all.

Phil's hand brushed against Dan's fingertips as he picked up the can of tuna to scan, he could sense the cold temperature of Phil's pale fingers. Dan flinched and held his hand close to his chest.

"Sorry! Cold hands. You're very warm though" Phil said with a glint in his eyes.

"Yeah. Good circulation." Dan replied curtly.

And thus began the spiral of lies.

It took an immense amount of control for Dan to not follow "Hi, my name is Dan" with "I am the android sent by CyberLife."

Phil followed Dan out of the store, chatting amicably, single-handedly carrying out a conversation. It was… nothing short of impressive.

"I'm being weird. Ah, it's just that.." Phil scratched the back of his head.

"No one has actually needed my help in a while and it gets really boring and lonely in there. I'm going insane, I even created pyramids out of the cereal boxes, against safety regulations. Anyway, that's my problem! I'll let you go now."

Phil offered a tight-lipped smile and turned to go back inside, but was stopped by a warm hand on his elbow.

Dan didn't fully comprehend what loneliness was like for other humans. But he had often felt alone and that never led to anything good. One could argue that it was in his nature to help humans in anyway possible, and Dan didn't know enough about his own mind to contest that claim. It was a valid excuse for what he did next, though.

"I was just about to head to the back alley. There's a cat I feed every time I shop here for groceries. That's who the tuna can is for. Would you like to meet her too?" Dan asked pleasantly, with a smile.

Phil's eyes strayed to Dan’s cheek. He smiled back.

“You have no idea how much I’d love that. I’ve been going crazy inside the staff room! Can this situation qualify as cabin fever? I think it should.”

This human was particularly chatty. Dan was programmed to pick up on social cues and body language enough to know that people waffle when they’re nervous. It is fairly obvious that Phil is…anxious. The cause, Dan cannot figure out.

The moment they entered the alleyway, the yowling began. Dan was pretty used to it, it didn’t surprise him. He just tried to shush the cat, who pounced up to his legs and started rubbing against his artificially heated calves.

“Yes, yes, here you go.”

Dan chatted with the cat usually, when he went to feed her. Perhaps Dan too rambles when he’s nervous, like humans and just didn’t notice it. While he thought of this, Phil reached down to pet her and she hissed, causing Phil to pull his hand back.

“Do you think the cat knows I’m allergic and is actually doing me a favour by staying away?” Phil murmured from behind Dan.

“You’re allergic? Why did you agree to come with me then?”

Humans were the most illogical. Sometimes Dan wondered if he was biased by nature or if humans were just aiming to make things harder for themselves. Self sabotage was something they were skilled at, after all.

“Because you asked.”

Phil said it with an emphasis on “you”, which really confused Dan. He just offered out of his need to be helpful to humankind. Did Phil take it as some sort of come on? Asking someone to go to an alley with you to feed a cat isn’t code for anything, is it? Dan’s brain whirred trying to figure out its significance.

“Don’t think so hard, you’ll break yourself.” Phil jested, staring at the ground.

His comments angered Dan a bit. He hated the subtle intricacies of human communication. How they’d twist their words and never really say what they mean. Or mean what they say, in some cases.

It felt like Phil was playing with him, keeping him on edge about whether or not he knew about his android status. If Dan was to focus on self-preservation and be defensive, it even came off as a threat.

“What do you mean by that, Phil?”

Dan stared on, waiting for Phil to meet his eyes. Except Phil didn’t, he just kicked his feet and said, “You want me to believe you don’t know… um, know what you look like.”

Apparently the ‘almighty’ was conducting an experiment to find out if Androids could have panic attacks, because that’s what this conversation was simulating for Dan. He focused on the present and made sure Phil knew he had no idea what he was talking about. Feigning ignorance is usually the way to safely escape such a situation. Who knows what political leanings Phil had, who was to say good looking boys couldn’t be apathetic fascists who thought Androids were slaves or toys.

That thought physically hurt Dan. He hadn’t known that was a possibility. He had felt empty before, but never pain due to his emotions.

“You’re really... pretty.”

Dan stared at Phil. What.

Phil covered his face, that had gone red, with his palms.

“This is why I shouldn’t talk to people ohmygosh I can’t believe I said that. I’m sorry!”

 _Oh. This human found him aesthetically pleasing._ Dan created a schema of humans’ behaviour in response to finding something attractive: vague and shy. Or at least that’s how Phil was acting. It wasn’t exactly presumptuous for Dan to take note for future reference. There would be other humans, and their reactions might make more sense with this context. After all, Luna never could accurately comment on his appearance, she limited her physical descriptions to calling him a “Ken doll”.

“You’re just attracted to me, why do you find that so distressing?” Dan asked inquisitively.

“Well, um, you’re like, out of my league?” Phil answered quickly, seeming unsure.

Dan was preoccupied, a direct search of the term directed him to a song by the band ‘Fitz  
And The Tantrums’ from 2013 and an Urban Dictionary definition. The latter made more sense.

‘Out of my league’

_A person you have no chance of dating/hooking up with because they are considered much more attractive, popular, intelligent or successful than you are. They would prefer someone who is equal to them in these areas over someone who is lower._

Dan couldn’t help but find that odd. Phil seemed like a confident, good looking man. Why would any human attach such hierarchies and value judgements on themselves and their fellow beings? It seemed demeaning, and illogical. He said as much.

Maybe they could have an in-depth conversation about this later. Talking to Phil had yielded him a lot of new information, Dan looked forward to engaging with him in conversation again.

Phil looked dumbfounded. His eyebrows raised and eyes wide, “Oh. so I haven’t scared you off with my inability to talk like a human?”

Most curious. Dan had never considered that Phil could be an android in disguise. Maybe he was one that had fully embraced the deviant lifestyle and lived as a human too.

“I’ll come by again tomorrow, to feed the cat. We’ll continue our conversation then.” Dan said and smiled. One of those things he had picked up to show sincerity.

When he got home and told Luna about the shop assistant called Phil, she cackled til he mentioned how he forgot to get her under-eye cream and would have to go again the next day.

"An android with memory loss isn't funny Dan. I draw the line at you being emotional. I can't have you forgetting stuff!" She huffed.

*

"Do you think cats are our overlords but they just don't want to deal with us, so they just let us be as long as we're cooing after them and feeding them?" Phil said while pouring milk into a bowl for the cat.

Phil was very interesting indeed. He also said the silliest things that made Dan’s circuits fire, from what Dan knew, it was a mimicry of the human neurological system. Phil made him ‘happy’.

He hoped he made Phil happy too. Dan had been quite candid with Phil, after all there was a possibility of Phil being an android like him. Especially after Phil ‘came out to him as asexual’, Dan would have to remember that, he could say the same for himself, as an android without reproductive or arousal instincts.

Though, when he saw tiny children who smiled at him, Dan did feel a twinge of something he hadn’t figured out yet. They always seemed to smile at him, perhaps he really was modelled after Winnie the Pooh, Luna used to joke about his voice and behaviour being akin to it.

“You know, 75% of your sentences begin with ‘do you think’ and end in something outlandish. Quite a feat I’d say.” Dan chimed in.

“Well, I need to keep you interested somehow.”

This was a problem. Phil would often feel embarrassed or show body language of feeling shy when Dan said anything. At first Dan was impressed by the authenticity of his behaviours. But after a while he realised what it really was, a wall created by Phil to keep himself from being vulnerable in front of Dan.

Dan was nothing if not an expert at problem solving. Though, algorithms never did really work out as well in reality.

“You are really interesting Phil. I don’t understand why you feel like you need to deprecate your value. I appreciate your musings a lot.” Dan said, it sounded practiced even to him, but healthy communication was always the straightforward answer. Or so his human socialisation programming had taught him.

“Hm, but that’s just me trying to be interesting to you. What if you realise I’m boring if I stop performing?” Phil replied, he had started getting more and more comfortable with Dan’s incessant questioning.

“Performance... I think I enjoy performing for an audience. After all, I get the reward of your attention and appreciation. But now that you say it… I, too, put on an act around you. What if you don’t like the ‘real’ me? Who is the real me anyway?”’

Phil showed signs of distress at this and tried to convey how interesting he thought Dan was, but Dan was in deep thought. He had never thought of it this way, he would just exist as expected of him and keep his opinions to himself. But what if his reactions were just a culmination of the people he interacted with? Was he truly just an android computing and responding based on his environment? What did it mean to be human, then?

When he asked Luna about this, about her insecurities, as the only verified human he was in close contact with, she too looked distressed. After a while he saw that she tweeted:

_humans: i have made androids that can replicate human emotion_  
_me: you fucked up a perfectly good android is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety_

  
Dan didn’t fully comprehend the humour behind the statement but he dutifully liked and retweeted it. After all, if notifications bring users serotonin as people say they do, then he wanted Luna to be as happy as possible.

*

“Do you think your parents like you?” Dan asked, after being shown an image of Phil and his family.

“Heh, looks like I’ve influenced you to follow my ‘do you think’ agenda. And, yeah, my parents love me.” Phil answered confidently.

He rubbed his hands together, and brought up his fists to blow warm air on them. He was cold. So, Dan made his hands generate heat, and put them over Phil’s loose fists.

“You’re always so warm.” Phil smiled at him, cheeks reddening.

“Hm, but love is different, isn’t it? Don’t parents love their children on the principle of kinship? How do you know if they like you?” Dan asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Phil brought his fingers to Dan’s face and tried to smoothen his forehead out. Without much preamble he answered, “Well, you have to like something to truly love it. It’s like a step by step process, you can’t really love something till you learn to like it first.”

“Oh, that’s all well and good but I thought humans categorised people based on their romantic inclinations. Filial love is different from romance, but you’re saying platonic love is the common factor in both.”

“Not for everyone I guess” Phil looked into Dan’s eyes, the pause seemed intentional. Like he was trying to convey something, whatever it was went over Dan’s head.

“Maybe it’s just a me thing, but I am a repeat offender of falling for my friends.” Phil leaned against the wall, staring up at the sky and amused by the conversation.

*

“Who’s this fool you’re fraternising with? I need to know” Luna blurted out, one evening when Dan returned home very late.

“His name is Phil and he works at the shop. He might be an android.” Dan replied.

“Oh. Might be? You can’t tell?” She asked, confused.

“Yes, but I think you might be able to. I cannot fully comprehend the intricacies of human behaviour nor what mine looks like to the outside world. Do you think we could invite him and figure it out?” Dan trusted Luna a lot, even with her visual impairment, she had a better insight into human behaviour.

After living with him for so long, she would undoubtedly have a clear idea of whether Phil is an android or not. And if not, well, Dan liked him regardless. Hopefully Phil did too.

“I guess… we can invite him over on the pretense of Christmas? That way we can ascertain his identity through gifts.” Luna smirked.

“I am well aware that you are an aficionado of presents, I’ll let Phil know what is expected. It would be an appropriate gift for me, just to spend more time with him. Doing festive activities. Should I get the tree decorations out of the supply? And the board games!” Dan was getting positively carried away, and Luna couldn’t help but feel happy for him.

*

Dan had never felt more emotional. They decorated the Christmas tree, played a few boardgames (that Dan had to deliberately lose in), and it was now time to exchange presents.

Phil got a badly wrapped lump out of his bag and handed it to Dan, who delicately undid the mess of tape and wrapping paper.

“It’s a collar.” Dan observed with as much enthusiasm he could muster in his voice. Still, it was a statement at best. Phil didn’t seem to take it personally. He just smiled, clearly he knew Dan too well to expect any other reaction.

Then Dan put on the collar, the bell attached to it rang.

Luna, all the way from the kitchen, began to laugh loudly, “He put it on, didn’t he?”

Dan tilted his head to the side, “Did I do something wrong?” The bell jingled again.

“It’s for your stray, Dan. I’m guessing.” Luna shrugged and went back to the living room, taking the popcorn with her.

“You got our cat a collar! But I can’t keep her, as I’ve mentioned before.” Dan’s volume lowered. It was starting to get very cold for the cat, he had done all he could to make the alley more comfortable for her.

“Yeah, I wanted to surprise you! I can keep her at mine. She’s been following me home after our meetings anyway. She knows where I live. Can’t get rid of her now.” Phil smiled.

Dan’s eyes sparkled. Like, literally, there were definitely stars in his simulated cornea.

He briskly walked away from Phil towards the living room and came back with a gift bag in his hands.

“Merry Christmas, Phil, I wanted to gift you these!”

Phil opened them, expertly woolen gloves.

“This way you can be warm without my assistance. I hope you like th-”

Dan’s unnecessary explanation was interrupted by Phil’s cool palms cupping his cheek, and if Dan’s cheeks heated up at this, who’s to say he wasn’t just demonstrating how appropriate his gift was.

Phil stepped closer, kept coming closer till their noses touched.

An eskimo kiss, said Dan’s offline directory.

Shut up brain, said Dan.

“Phil?” he breathed out, whispering.

“Yes” Phil answered, eyes closed, unmoving.

“Are we partaking in the Christmas tradition of kissing under a mistletoe?” he asked.

“Nope” he opened his eyes, half lidded,

“We’re about to kiss because we want to. You want to, yes?” he asked.

And Dan, as a deciding being, made his decision, and held Phil’s face in his hands and closed the short distance between their lips.

Being human had its benefits.

**Author's Note:**

> Dan is Warm  
> Cat likes Warm  
> Phil likes Warm  
> and Luna is happy indoors, where it is perpetually warm. 
> 
> I hope this made you feel a little warm!  
> Merry Christmas/Happy holidays hope you have a lovely time <3
> 
> "dan is an android and phil is phil, and they are being cute in the winter time. i love the characterisation and concept. read!!" - my beta


End file.
